When I sat down today to work on a new blog post, I knew what I wanted to write. I also knew that I am extremely behind on the Pagan Blog Project, something that I am committed to finishing this year as last year I was unable to. Depression and exponential anxiety can do that, I guess. Not to mention the cross-country move.
But when I scrolled through the Archive, I was happy to see that the blog post I intended to write and the next topic prompt I had were, in fact, identical.
It’s nice when things work out that way.
If you’ve read my previous post about the changes here, you may have noted that I stated
When I first entered the Pagan blogosphere a few years ago, I viewed it as a spiritual diary more than an informational blog. Though I closed that blog down nearly a year ago, I kept that idea of wanting a spiritual diary to share with others who walked a crooked or Pagan path. But, somewhere along the way, I lost sight of my intent here.
And that is what the foundation of this post is, more or less, about.
Blogging, for me, has always been about keeping a record for myself. I will often go back to old posts to remember some detail of some escapade, or refer to the archives of my old blog, which I have saved to my computer here, in order to recall the feelings I had at that point in my path. Many folks choose to do this in a personal diary or notebook; I just tend to type faster than I handwrite and the responsibility that comes with having an audience, of any size, requires me to be truthful, an important aspect of my time here.
Truth is what I always intend to convey here. My truth, as I experience it. Though some details are left out – for personal reasons, obviously – everything that I share here is, as I write it, a record of the truth that I have experienced. I do everything I can not to lie, not to insinuate one thing when a simpler explanation is more accurate. Indeed, that is actually why I often lapse into metaphor and poetic prose, because it is the easiest way for me to explain my truth in that moment.
What is the importance of a record, though? Why bother writing it all down, either in a personal diary or on a blog, like I do here?
For me, the importance has always been having a reference point. Being able to look back to a year ago, a month ago, a week, or even just yesterday, and seeing how I felt and what I experienced at that point in my path. Having that ability to look back into my personal past and seeing where I have gone from there is important for me. It gives me the strength to continue forward.
My writing has also helped keep me sane. I say that completely seriously. I believe I’ve discussed before that I have trouble connecting my logical mind with my instinctual feelings. Writing here, or in the off-line record I do keep (again, while I do not share the whole story with you all, I do have to keep a record for myself), helps me hash out those connections and bridge those two seemingly opposing forces. It also helped me in the depths of my depression; as I turned and leaned harder on my spirituality, I needed an idea of what it was I dealt with so that, in my more lucid times, I could see how things changed, how things affected me, in those darker times.