Queries: When to Say No

When I first started opening up my services as a free reader for Tarot, I thought about what kinds of questions I was most comfortable answering and what I was not. One of the things I knew, for sure, I was not able to answer was romance questions.

Years ago, a friend of mine was in a spot of bother. Her long time boyfriend was no longer satisfying her. He did not understand her Pagan beliefs and treated her with less than gracious patterns. She, in turn, was beginning to feel attracted to a mutual friend of ours. In her confusion and frustration, she reached out to me and asked for a reading. My cards were still new to me at the time, but I had studied them for awhile. We went back to my apartment and I cleared up my room, setting up my small table with lavender incense and my deck. She knelt beside the table and I dealt the cards. The reading, as I interpreted it, led me to believe that leaving her current boyfriend and seeing if our mutual friend was interested in a relationship was her best course of action. As I packed up my cards, we talked a little more. She left my apartment shortly after, headed home, and I lay the deck, bound by a silk ribbon and laying in a handmade satin bag, upon the table again, under the window.

In the next few days, she let me know she had left her boyfriend. They had dated for over five years, likely longer. By the time a week had passed, she and our friend were beginning to date more and more; they rang in the New Year together and made their relationship official.

Since that reading, I have refused to do any additional romance readings. After my friend left, I felt nauseous and unsettled, like I had done something wrong. My friends are still together, and for all intents and purposes, they are happy. It has been almost two years since they began dating; he has moved in with her and they have discussed marriage, kids, and everything that usually goes on with a serious relationship. But that unsettled feeling has not left me, whenever I think of that reading I did two years ago. I took it as a warning, an omen not to proceed.


Others I have seen offer readings have their own stipulations. Some, like me, will not take romance readings; others will not take ones regarding spirituality and god messages. We all have our comfort zones and we must take a look at what fills us with unease, rather than trying to be as amenable as possible to the masses.

Sometimes people ask me “Why don’t you feel comfortable answering romance questions?” I tell them it makes me uncomfortable, and that is true. But I always include another note: talk to your partner(s). Use your words, rather than letting your discomfort fester. To refuse to acknowledge the problem does not make it go away. It merely makes it rot further, uninhibited by your intrusion, until the stench and the foulness make it impossible and your reaction must match the exponential growth of the issue.

As readers, we owe ourselves the responsibility of recognizing our limits. To know when we can succeed and where we may fail.

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2 Responses to Queries: When to Say No

  1. thegrimmwitch says:

    Agreed! I actually will not do readings that are yes/no, regarding health or legal matters. I think its important for readers to set boundaries on what they will or will not read, or else sometimes you can get yourself into real trouble!

    • Yeah, legal issues tend to be waaaaaay out of line. You should really consult a lawyer, not a Tarot reader! Health issues are the same: I am not a doctor. Please consult your physician, damnit.

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