The Water Drop

I’ve been hallucinating snakes again.

Many of you know that I have an intense phobia of snakes. Just a simple image of them is enough to send me into a full-blown panic attack. There are times, though, when the images manifest themselves, another of the overlays that my mind and my life like producing, like when I “see” my gods. I can be walking, look down, and see a snake nearby – blink and it’s gone. It was never really there to begin with.

The snakes appear when my life is beginning to turn, like the wide wheel of a mill. I lay there, strapped to its side, and wait for my head to be plunged under the water once more. It’s cyclical, like clockwork, like the turning of the seasons. Every few years, the snakes appear, their lithe bodies of smoke and silence taunting me just before the wheel slips me under again.

Back in August, I made a commitment to Kemeticism. For one year, I would study it and learn about the religion that, for once, seemed to appeal to me and my lifestyle. These days, though….

These days, I find myself turning away from the desert. I walk back towards the mountains and the trees, finding more solace in their beauty than the aridity of the desert. The taste of Kemeticism on my tongue, once beautiful and fine, like they always told me wine would taste, has turned acrid and bitter, like how wine really feels on my tongue. It is sour and anger, all wrapped up and burning down my throat and back, like bile rising. And I cannot help but wonder if I misinterpreted the signs.

It is possible. We mortals are fallible and the gods work in mysterious ways. I will not break my word, though. I will still learn what I can of Kemeticism, just in smaller doses than I had planned. But I will not force myself to adhere to that desert walk when the trees call me back, when the snakes begin to show, warning me of the water drop in my near future.

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8 Responses to The Water Drop

  1. von186 says:

    Could it be possible that, like the cyclical nature of your snake symbolism- you’re supposed to go back and forth btwn the two religious practices? Spending part of your time in teh desert and part of your time in the woods/mountains?

    • It’s possible, which is why I’ll still move forward with the rest of the year I committed to, but at the moment, I find it unlikely. There’s more going on than just that I wrote above, too. More that I might elaborate on in future posts.

  2. I think it’s possible to commit to choices that aren’t completely right, and it’s our true allies who call us back. What’s your gut feeling?

    Randomly, when I’m exhausted or lacking concentration I see cats- out of the corner of my eyes or in the place of bags, bins etc. although this has nothing to do with phobia.

    Perhaps the snakes are calling for acknowledgement?

    • Perhaps. This has happened before, years ago. I began seeing snakes everywhere. Middle of the day, while wide awake. I’d look down and there’s a snake. Red and gold and black or green and copper. It would be there, coiled, and I’d blink and it would be gone.

      It tends to occur for a few months before a serious life shift, as if the snakes showing up warn me of the skin(s) I must shed in the coming months, as they do when they have outgrown their own. While I still hate snakes and I am fearful of them, they still have messages to tell me. And, of all creatures, they’re the ones I’d pay the most attention to if I saw them randomly.

      They’re never really out of the corner of my eye, either, but middle sight, if that makes sense. It’s frustrating, to have that moment of terror and then poof – they’re gone.

  3. fieldstones says:

    Sometimes with a multifaith practice you can’t plan who gets what when, there is an ebb and flow, and maybe a choice whether to fight or follow it.

  4. Aubs Tea says:

    I see bugs when things like that are gearing up. All types of bugs, but mostly the palmetto bugs that became a staple in my life in Texas. I think what sucks the most about these visions or hallucinations is that we know, in general, what they herald but not the specifics.

  5. Pingback: The Changes Around Here | The Crossroads Forest

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