Many years ago, I took part in a guided group meditation. As I descended into the place our guide that night called our “inner landscapes,” I found myself beside a small pool at the end of a river, surrounded by forest and woodland. In the woods, I looked and found a cattish, dog-like creature, a guiding spirit of some kind. I asked her – for it was, apparently, female – if she had a message for me.
“Not ready,” she told me before scampering into the woods. And though I followed her, I could not keep up. I pulled out of the landscape and sat at the desk, waiting for the others to finish their meditations.
Two years later, we again did a guided group meditation and, once again, I found myself in my inner landscape looking for a message. I had visited my inner landscape a few times since that first attempt and decided to take a new path and explore a bit of the other side of the river and the pool. As I did so, I found myself standing on a bridge that led me to the Land of Always Winter.
“Not ready,” were the words I heard again, this time from my guardian Madeliene. This message that I had heard before, again and again, that I wasn’t ready. But for what?
Back in January, I had created a new spread based on the Ballad of Tam Lin. This spread was specifically created to get the answer I had been seeking for years now, as no spread I had found would detail the information I was seeking. I knew that I would be finally sitting down to get the answer to this question: what was I not ready for? Or, rather, what could I do once I was ready? And, when that photograph of the bridge came to my attention, I gathered my Shadowscapes Tarot deck and lay the cards down, one by one, waiting for my answer.
But once I laid the cards and wrote down their positions and a few quick notes, I gathered them again and lay them aside. I don’t think I’ve picked them up again since January, at least not for more than a reading here and there, ones that I owed or offered. That reading, too, has yet to be interpreted. The time, it seemed, was not right. But lately, I’ve found myself thinking back to that reading and my fingers itching, ever so slightly, to deal the cards again and compare the answers.
From what I remember of that initial reading, I remember feeling that there were key changes in motion for me, background events that would, eventually, lead to an upheaval. Large and messy, but necessary for me to move forward to…whatever it was that I had previously been not ready for. A quest, of sorts. Something that had been stated to me two years prior.