This post is written for the Kemetic Round Table (KRT), a blogging project for providing useful, practical information for the modern Kemetic practitioner.
Some of my first posts here talk about Fallow Time, or the time in one’s practice where things become…difficult. The gods are harder to talk to, we forget offerings for days if not weeks, the spirits go silent. It’s daunting and frightening and sometimes we just don’t know what to do.
When Anubis left, I used the phrase “spiritual depression,” as that was what it felt like. I was lackluster in many ways and it was beginning to seep into my daily life, on top of my spiritual stuff. Without him, everything seemed more difficult.
I did not handle that situation well. Mostly, I went through the motions, leaving small offerings and doing a lot of thinking. At the time I had no idea what was going on nor what I could do to feel better. Nothing helped: I talked to my spiritual adviser, wrote a lot about it on my old blog, tried ritual and left offerings, but nothing helped. I felt lost, alone, abandoned and bereft of any real sense of what to do. It felt like the gods were testing me to see what I would do next. I felt hollow and would begin crying at the drop of a hat. It felt like everything was coming down around me and I didn’t know what to do. It was then that I began to fall into The Forest, wandering and reaching for something that felt like I needed, something that was meant for me. I wanted to reach into the molten core of the Universe and pull out Something More, something special, to learn and ignite a new feeling of love and appreciation for my gods and my spiritual path.
This was a difficult time for me. I’d been working with Anubis for so long and for him to just up and leave, especially the way he did, it felt awful. But something good came out of it, too. I began new relationships with new gods, ones that I’d felt drawn to or like they were calling me but never pursued out of deference to Anubis. Without him, I was free to do as I liked, and eventually he came back, as if nothing had happened.
We go through many rough periods in our lives, it seems. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. Any day could be the beginning of a low point, the beginning of a rough patch that we need to weather before moving on. In my case, with Anubis, I believe now that he was testing me or, at the very least, giving me incentive to pursue new relationships with new gods. Now I have a growing path that fulfills me. I’m pursuing new religious interests and finding new ways to honor my gods. It wouldn’t have been possible without that rough patch, that Fallow Time, where it felt like everything was lost. Now? Now it’s better. The river has flooded and receded back to its banks, leaving behind the rich, fertile earth suitable for planting. I must simple plant the seeds.
- How I Got My God Back
- Doubt, Fear, and Being Lost
- Those Outside Your Path
- Why I Walk the Path