Late Monday night, I found myself talking to Eddie on Skype again about a few things. We got to talking about his work on the astral and what form that’s been taking lately. I won’t go into details as it’s his business to tell you all if he wants to, not mine. I mentioned to him that I felt like I was too grounded, despite my desire to get into the more “woo-woo” side of things. He replied that The Forest sounds rather “woo-woo” to him and I was hesitant.
I dunno what The Forest is. It’s an odd place, and I don’t know if it’s a place that manifested in my own mind or an Other place.
Then again, it could be both. Or neither.
I sort of call it the Forest of Faith, too. Like…the place we fall into when we’re lost on our Paths, lost in the woods, y’know?
hat’s one of the feelings I get about it.
But I don’t think that’s it’s only purpose.
I told him that I haven’t ever really discussed my experiences in The Forest with anyone before. He suggested to just explain what I could and write it all out as best as I could remember and explain. And so it ended up with me laying everything out on the table, which I shall post here now, both to share with you, the reader, and for my own records:
Some of this might be repetitive, but what I say now and what I’ve said on my blog.
I found myself in The Forest around the time Anubis left. I don’t know how, I don’t know in what sense, but…it was a visual I had, a feeling of being stuck. I can feel that now, actually, the same feeling I have everything I start to fall there. It’s a thickness in my chest, beneath the breast below the heart, like a density trying to get out.
I was wandering the first time. The trees are narrow. They’ve grown too close together to be much thicker, I think. …But they also are thick? Some, anyway. Sometimes they’re larger, wider, more intimidating.
It’s dark there, most times, but I can still see the trees. I can still see the undergrowth that covers the ground and makes it hard to walk. When I’m there, I’m clad in an old t-shirt and jeans that tatter at the ankles. I’m barefoot and thinner than I am in real life. I feel like, if I looked in a mirror, I’d look like Chase, my old RP character. I’m dressed like she is, anyway.
It’s hard to walk there, and not just because of the undergrowth. It’s like my body cannot handle walking. I feel like I’m being tested for something when I’m there, like something is watching and yet…and yet I’m also entirely alone. Nothing is watching. I’m lost and no one will find me if I just lay myself down, close my eyes, and let myself drift away.
I fall at some point, during some trip there early on. I fall to my knees at first and then just…let myself fall. I lay there, face in the dirt and the growth, the darkness all around me and I just lay there. I don’t want to move. I’ve given up.
Then something…something changes? Something snaps and I feel that denseness inside my chest. It’s warm but not at the same time. I slowly, with every ounce of effort I can muster, push myself to my knees. I stare downward at my chest and know what I have to do. I press my hand to my chest and I reach into myself and rip out the flame that’s there. It’s tiny, smaller even than the flame of a lighter. Like a candle flame when you first light it, just a brief whisper of fire on the wick. Tiny and new. I somehow find the old-style lantern I’ve dropped, that I don’t remember dropping, and I put the flame inside it and use it to light my way. I know that somehow, even though I’m alone, someone has knocked that fire back into me. Something tells me it’s The Morrigan, but I don’t know.
And I bring myself to my knees and I begin to walk. Eventually I find a path, a real path, but it’s overgrown and hard to tell from the woods. I start to walk it, to pick my way through it and clear it to make it easier to walk.
Sometime before I rip the flame from my chest, there was another feeling of density there. I could feel it even in my throat, like something was inside me. That time, I reached in and gripped the thick, knotted rope that lay within me. I began to pull it out, inch by slow inch. I don’t know where it went, but I know it’s still within me. I can feel it now.
That’s what I have for now. It’s jumbled and messy, but it’s what I can remember, aside from the incident the other day where I fell in as a wolf.
Eddie and I discussed my times in The Forest a little further after that. From what he’s told me about his own journeying, I’m thinking that when I fall into The Forest it is a type of journeying. Whether it’s on the astral or not, I am hesitant to say; I’m still unsure, but from what he’s told me and what I’ve read elsewhere, it’s possible that’s what this is, whatever it is. Hopefully further work and trying to purposely fall into The Forest will help me figure it out.