The Problem

For years, I have searched for the Path that suits me best. None have come. As I wander The Forest, I have my own new Path, one that I am slowly forging and clearly, overgrown with vines and ivy and underbrush, broken up by gnarled roots. And as much as I love this Path as I clear it by the light of my lantern, I still feel…slightly empty.

I hate being “eclectic.”

Even the word shrivels on my tongue and dies, a nasty taste of foulness that doesn’t leave for days. I call myself “nondenominational” but even that doesn’t really work for me.

What am I?

Lately I have befriended many Kemetic reconstructionists and revivalists through tumblr, before I stepped away from that site. This was primarily through my relationship with Anubis, as I discussed him and found myself lurking Kemetic blogs. Today, I decided to read through Black Fur, Black Wing on a whim and as I sit here reading through her archives, I feel…jealous. Jealous of her and the other Recons and revivalists who have a set faith and practice that still allows for personal experiences.

These past few years, I have declined the identity of Kemeticism. Though I work with Anubis and he is my Patron, I have not felt any connection to the other Kemetic gods.

No…that’s not true.

I have. But I haven’t pursued them. I’ve worked with many gods over the years, ones that have come into my life and that I wish to honor, but the more I read about Kemeticism through these new friends of mine, the more I wonder if I made a mistake. Perhaps I should have pursued this very old spiritual lust for Egypt that I’ve had since I was a child.

And yet I feel like I’d be cheating on my other gods, the gods of the European pantheons that I have worked with and honored for the past couple of years, who have helped me in ways that I feel obliged to give them faith and belief and offerings. Though obliged is the wrong word, it is the one that best suits it. I am honored to work with them and pleased to have this connection to them.

I feel lost again. Perhaps this is what I am finally ready for, what Madeliene tried to tell me to wait for two years ago.

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4 Responses to The Problem

  1. Zenith says:

    I definitely don’t think that you have to discard any connections or relationships you have with gods of the European pantheons. Others have found ways to balance two or more pantheons; Sarduríur at Shadows of the Sun, for instance, is a self-proclaimed unaffiliated Norse, Akkadian, and Kemetic polytheist. So, I think you should do whatever is best for you and your relationships with your gods. Also consider what They are okay with you doing and what They’d prefer that you do instead, if anything.

    At this time, I haven’t been approached by the gods of other pantheons, but if I were and I agreed to worship Them, I would still consider myself a Kemetic. I would also consider myself something other, whatever that god hailed from.

    • As I did my devotionals today, I changed it up a little and asked them their thoughts and for a sign on which way to go. I love my deities, but I also know that the deities I work with now might not always be there for me in the same way they are now. *sighs* So many questions. I need a how-to book on spiritual confusion.

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